Life is full of good intentions. When I buy fresh fruits and vegetables I don’t do it to be sadistic. It’s not like I enjoy watching them slowly wither on my countertop as the days slowly creep by. You would think I’m in it for the guilt, I must be, because why else would I spend money that I am essentially just going to end up throwing away? Not just once, but week, after week, after week.
It must be that grocery store high. When I’m grocery shopping I think of all the fresh, exciting and healthy dishes that I am going to whip up this week. At the grocery store I feel like wonder woman; I buy odd and exciting new fruits and vegetables; every ingredient under the sun is at my fingertips! I don’t need frozen food; I can peel, chop and dice until my heart is content and my stomach is full. I transform into a creative culinary genius. I tell myself “this week is going to be different, you’ll see, I’ll prove it to you…just buy that pineapple, we’ll chop it up and make a gorgeous fruit salad as soon as we get home”. I fill up my cart (along with my expectations) and then float home on cloud nine to get started.
This is where things go wrong…oh so terribly wrong. Once I schlep all of those groceries into the house and organize them in the refrigerator, in the pantry and on the counter, all of the superhero energy and excitement I had at the grocery store slowly slips away. Life happens. There are dishes in the sink, there’s laundry to do, emails are piling up…who has time to cook? What was I thinking?
Day by day the fruits and vegetables slowly wither. As hard as I try I can never seem to get to all of them. I start thinking off odd new ways to make strange combinations that in no way go together, just to get them off the back of my mind! Have you heard about my green bean, carrot, parsley and pineapple turkey meatloaf? No, you haven’t, because it was disgusting and I am looking out for you!
Each time I walk by those fruits and veggies I make promises to them…empty promises. “Just give me a few hours to handle some other things, don’t worry pineapple, I WILL get to you tonight”. Tonight leads to tomorrow night and the next night. Then we’re both out of time because guess what? Pineapple molded.
It’s a horrible cycle and I’m stuck, so completely stuck. Once I actually sat down to think about it, I realized that there are so many other avenues in my life where I find myself in the very same predicament. This is an issue that goes way beyond the grocery store. I try to take on the entire world in only a few hours just to find myself feeling completely defeated by the end of the day. I make empty promises to myself – whether it’s with weight loss, putting myself first, spending more time with my friends and family…I constantly set myself up for failure and then every day I wonder how I could have lost the battle.
They say acknowledging, accepting, and understanding your denial can be freeing. I’m trying to focus on the bigger picture every day. Starting with setting smaller goals and fully realizing that it’s not humanly possible to conquer the entire world in just one day. It’s not easy, but at least it’s one small step in the right direction.
What cycles in your life keep you running in circles?